Why do our hearts send us astray?

He never loved her. He felt a lot of things for her, but none of them were love. She always loved him. Her judgment of things that she thought of him were clouded by what her heart felt. He saw her body, she saw his heart. Or at least she thought that she did. He approached her, she was flattered. His eyes held a determination when they first met hers. His lips were soft the first time that they kissed. She felt beautiful, desirable, and wanted. She felt loved. She loved his smile. He hated her laugh, but desired her mouth. Her hobbies were stupid, and her time was better spent at his apartment. Her time was better spent on his arm at one of his business events. He never introduced her to colleagues or friends, because she never had anything interesting to say. She was content standing in the background, out of the spotlight. She was happy to be his. He was very handsome. She thought that she couldn’t compete with the beautiful women that approached him, so she never did. After a few months of living together, his true self was revealed. She discovered that he wasn’t as handsome as she thought. The smile that she liked at the biggining was an insincere one. His eyes weren’t misterious anymore, they were just cold. But she loved him. It took some time to realize that she didn’t remember why though. Her heart changed, and she began to see the real him. He was an empty man, a sad and angry man. She didn’t look at him the same anymore, and he resented her for it. After a few weeks of living together, he became bored. Yes, she was sexy and very beautiful, but so were many other women. He listened to his heart on the first day that they met, that’s all he ever did with women. Now his heart didn’t desire her anymore. He felt a lot of things for her, but never loved her. He felt passion, desire and want. Those began to fade. 

Why do are hearts send us astray? They say to follow your heart but our hearts have a cruel sense of humor. 

What are the odds that I would find you? Or that you would find me? Luck isn’t that lucky, and happenstance isn’t that timely. In the midst of busy schedules and separate lives, we ended up meeting. And then we met again, and ran into each other another time. We talked, we laughed, we learned about each other. And although I wasn’t thinking about anything other than friendship, you saw me. You liked what you saw. After a while, I couldn’t get you out of my head either. That was three years ago. Three of the greatest years of my life. Who’s to say what is meant to be, if soul mates are real, and if there is “only one”. I don’t know those answers. But I do know that there is only one for me, and that’s you. I love you my friend. My joy. My husband.img_0037

Young Love 

Her smile, her eyes. They pulled him in. He couldn’t excape them. The stories she would tell, and the things that she dreamed about, grew in importance. He wanted to learn everything about her. Her wants, desires, and goals suddenly became something that he wanted to be a part of. His life was changed. The man, the boy that he was, was no more. His small world got larger. His view broadened, but in a way got smaller as well. A lot of his focus was shifted to her. Whenever he smiled he remembered her laugh. When he walked he remembered her shape keeping pace beside him, her hand in his. She pushed her way into his mind, consumed his thoughts. He didn’t consider himself a romantic, but her soul made him dream. The what ifs, the potential of them, came alive. The days without her went by slow, and the times with her went by fast. After dropping her off he would reluctantly drive home in the darkness and smile. Someday, someday, she will be his wife. They said that he was falling too fast, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t help it. He was in love. 

Letting Go

I held on. Jesus said that He would take it. He would take my burden. The sack full full of regret, guilt, and pain didn’t  need to be with me anymore. I could let go of fear. However, Instill carried it everywhere. My burden got heavier and heavier. My back got weaker and weaker. I asked for God to help me, but I couldn’t give up my load. I refused to let it go. His outstretched hand was there, He would take it from me. But my grip was strong, and I was determined that the sin of my past was mine to carry. The guilt I had to live with, the pain I had to except, and the worry I had to let multiply. It was all mine to carry. I shouldered it all. Day after day, I got out of bed and picked up my burden. I heaved it over my shoulder and began the day. Sometimes I would see someone burden free. I wish that was me, I wish I was as good as they were. I got older, and life got more complicated. Just when I thought that my load couldn’t get heavier, it did. I needed to make it through that hard time, through the storm. I needed to be the strong one. But I just couldn’t hold the burden anymore, I couldn’t carry the weight. I fell, and I fell to my knees. I felt a warm embrace. Jesus asked me if I was ready. I said that I was. He picked my load. He said that it was no longer my burden. I cried. How could I ask Him to carry it? To carry my burden? He said that it wasn’t my burden anymore, that it was His. All I needed to do was let go. 

Believe

I believe in God.  I believe that He sent Jesus to forgive us of our sins and set us free. I believe that we are loved more than we could ever imagine. I believe that the Bible is God’s Word and it is meant as our guide. I believe this because I know that it is true. I know that there are a lot of people that don’t believe. They believe in a lot of other things, just not that. Maybe they do know that God is real, and that He is out there somewhere, but it doesn’t affect their everyday life. Maybe you think that there will be time later to figure that out. This life is short. Things don’t last. We could be here for 70, maybe 90 years if we are lucky.  By that point we have lost so much. Our strength, our balance, our health and many times our memories. We race through life and then hit the end. And everything is gone. Everything is gone. What is the next step? Do you believe that there is a heaven? How about a hell? Maybe you read the Bible but never really understood it. Maybe you were hurt by a Christian so you decided to have nothing to do with it. Maybe so many bad things happened to you and to those that you love that you decide that Christianity isn’t for you. But what happens when you die? Where do you go? Maybe there is more to believing in God than just knowing that He may exist. We all need to make the decision on whether we will accept Him. What is your decision? Don’t be passive about it. If you don’t understand what it means to accept God as your Lord and Savior, then get information on it. If you don’t understand the Bible, go to someone who does and ask for some clarity. Decide to forgive the person who hurt you, because being a Christian doesn’t make a person perfect, not even close. Do not make assumptions about what is means to have a relationship with God. Do not make assumptions about God. Dig into it. Learn. Make an educated decision. Decide. I decided to believe. Best decision of my life.